*record scratch* “SOPHIE!!!! GET OFF OF THE DINNER TABLE!!!!” It has been just a few daytime naps beyond a human calender year of that day when the authorities allowed me total access of their domicile. Do not mistake what I am about to tell you because contrary to belief, I am extremely happy where I currently reside and I would prefer to keep it that way even though my middle sister hates me. She is at least pooping in the litter box again. She went the better part of a year leaving presents in the short haired authority’s bathub. I do not believe he was shouting in joy whenever he would discover them. Such is life.
During my younger years, I witnessed many things. Things one would expect coming from behind a convenient store. Strange consumables, loud people, scary people, nice people, and on occasion, both friendly and unfriendly animals. That is the first place I met authority #1. I really like the long haired authority(authority #2) however. She always has blankets and I can make so many biscuits in them. I deeply enjoying spending time with #2 especially after #1 calls me for the hourly attention session. I always see #2 first. I think this irritates #1 and I take much joy in that which he does not understand. The age old universal question of why.
In the particular photo above, the authorites had been away on their rolling litterbox for a few days. They returned and I greeted #1 at the door as always with a fist/pawbump and a nose boop. Later, when the authorites can relax, I immediately climbed into the lap of #2 while staring #1 directly in his eyes to asert dominance. He stared back only for a short while. He fired one right across the bow by opening his information center and showing me thousands of photos of other cats loving every human and not just one. I disapprove of this nonsense. I am Sophie. I’ll do whatever I want to. *Radar locked* Please stand by, I have detected movement outside of the window. Movement heading 1 niner echo__________________________________________________________ . . .
False alarm. Back to declassification of the story.
Somedays, I miss my old home. I hear my blood sister is still doing well and may possibly have young spawns of her own now. #1 assured me he makes sure she and the family is well taken care of. Maybe one day I can visit them. Is that legal? Do I have to pay taxes on that? I wonder if my new sisters would get jealous? Not that I really care either way. They will all bow to me now.
In the second photo, I received an early gotcha day present from the authorities. It was a very substantial amount of toilet parts for my bathroom. What I really am interested more is the box. Yes, just the empty box. It beckons me regardless of it’s size. I must investigate. I am unsure why, but it’s not your place to ask questions now is it? I have several boxen to be exact. Many much cardboard boxen. My oldest sister can’t fit into them like I can. She is very big boned for a lack of better wording.
I let her use my bathroom sometimes since she is very old, then I like to help her and scratch whatever she left behind right back on the floor. The further from the vintage litterbox the better. Both of the authorites dance and shout loudly in celebration whenever I do this. I guess I’m learning how to human faster than I thought I would.
Photo #3: Earning my keep. The authorties were carrying out the weekly sanitization routine and they asked me to help by shaking out the rugs. Seriously? I shake out the rugs every morning at around 3am just to make sure they are fluffy for you when you wake up for work. I did nothing wrong here! Besides, I do not have hands and cannot go outside to “shake out the rugs”. I can’t open the door you fools. I must go for now, but I promise to try harder with staying in touch and keeping you all updated. Goodbye for now.
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